


Oh, the Places We’ll Go, and the People We’ll Kill!

by Uthizaar



Series: Thiam Fics, Short and Smuty [4]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Absurd, Action, All the terrible villain tropes!, Alternate Universe - Future, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Alternative Universe- Supervillains, Assassins & Hitmen, Chimeras, Clones, Convenient Plot Devices, Dark Corey, Doomsday Weapons, Dry Humping, Enemies to Lovers, Erotic, Erotic Wrestling, Evil Lair, Frottage, Hellhound Jordan Parrish, Henchmen, Jordan Parrish Has Wings, M/M, Oil, Robots, Stiles Stilinski is an Evil Mastermind, Super Weapons, Superhero Liam Dunbar, Supervillain Stiles Stilinksi, Terrible Innuendo, Theo Raeken is a terrible Villain, Thiam, Thiam Half Birthday, Volcano Lair, Werewolves, drones, fun with acronyms, goons - Freeform, maniacal laughter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 10:58:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15023108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uthizaar/pseuds/Uthizaar
Summary: “I found love down a sniper scope…”This story takes place in a Superhero/Supervillain AU with werewolf and chimera powers, in an advanced and often absurd world.Theo and Corey are an assassination team working for the villainous organisation The Evil Eye under the purview of Stiles, Master of Death & Strangely Convenient Accidents. Liam is their target, the handsome and dashing Chief Security Officer in the service of Scott, World President! Can Theo move beyond his lust for the werewolf to complete his mission? Or will the devastation of Stiles’ STD be unleashed upon the planet while Liam and Theo get lost in their desires?!





	1. In His Sights

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the final day of the Thiamhalfbirthday celebration with the theme of “Oh the places we go.” This is pretty different to the suggestions and less exclusively Thiam centric than the other stories I’ve done for the celebration this week. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy it!

“Crap.” Corey moaned as though he was in pain.

“What is it?” Theo didn’t look away from the scope as he zeroed in on their target, indistinct figures moving around the window on the fortieth floor. “What’s wrong?”

“I need to pee!”

“Didn’t you go before we left?”

“Yeah, but, you know I always need to go when I’m nervous.” Corey tugged at Theo’s shoulder, pulling him away from the anti-material rifle. “I’ll be five minutes, tops!”

“Corey! We kill people all the time,” Theo sighed, exasperated. “What’s the difference this time?”

“Uh, that.” The other chimera pointed at the massive fortress across from them. The castle was a looming monstrosity of white marble and fluted columns, with cherubic angels carved on every available surface. The green copper of the roofs gleamed in the midday sun, rays bouncing off the polished helmets of troopers squatting along the battlements. Electronic eyes swept back and forth in continuous loops, laser fences and automated turrets ready to unload on any intruders. The keep stretched hundreds of feet into the air, one side of the wall they were facing was given over to a massive mural of the World President, Scott McCall, smiling benevolently out at them, his teeth just a little _too_ white. Corey looked at Theo. “That’s not like the hotel in Prague from last week, or the summer shack outside Madrid from the week before. That’s the headquarters of the Global Security Force!”

“Yup.” Theo grinned and got comfortable again, shutting one eye as he pressed his face back to the scope of his weapon. “And we’re here to take out the Chief Security Officer!”

“Hmm.” Corey groaned and got to his feet. He stayed low and dashed across to the other side of the roof, dropping onto his knees next to their equipment bags. The chimera looked over his shoulder at Theo, sighed, and grabbed one of the empty water bottles.

Theo smirked to himself as he heard the sound of a zipper being pulled down and a gentle tinkling noise coming from behind him. He turned the gun slightly on its tripod and waited for their target to come into range. “Are you sure he’ll be here?”

“Uh huh.” Corey muttered, shaking his hands off and spraying them with a disinfectant mist. “Stiles said that his mini-drones confirmed Liam Dunbar was on his way to this facility an hour ago. The intel is solid, Theo, we just have to take him out, this time.” He added darkly as Theo tensed up.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“We’ve had loads of opportunities before!” Corey complained as he crawled back towards Theo, the duo going still as a helicopter approached the GSF HQ, the younger chimera reaching out to grip Theo’s ankle. The aircraft whooshed overhead, not picking up on their presence. Corey released him, and they reappeared when the helicopter began to land. “Like the time we mined that stretch of I-95 and you tricked Liam to come out of Vegas with the promise of a free cam-boy show.”

“That would’ve worked!” Theo protested, glaring at Corey. “How was I supposed to know he had my favorite porn star in the car with him? I couldn’t rob the world of Blake Mitchell, Corey!”

“Uh huh, well what about that time when we actually got into Liam’s hotel room in Paris and I had the ten-second insta-kill poison dropper out and ready to go.” Corey tried to catch his gaze, but Theo wouldn’t look at him. “And you said that we couldn’t use it because it would be a crime to poison freshly baked croissants.” 

“Well, it would have been!”

“Hmm,” The chimera growled in his throat, “Well, what about that time in-”

“Alright, Corey!” Theo cut across him. “I get it, we’ve had some missed opportunities, but this time, we’ll nail his ass for sure!”

“I bet you want to nail his ass…” Corey muttered darkly as Theo flushed, but chose not to reply. He grabbed the night-vision scope next to the spare magazines and squinted down the sight, zeroing in on one of the terraces. “Hang on, I think I see him.”

“Yeah?” Theo changed his position slightly, nodding slowly as his eyes locked onto a short, muscular man, the werewolf’s eyes glinting yellow as he looked around the terrace. “Get onto Stiles, tell him we have the target in sight.”

“Copy that.” Corey whispered, picking up the communications device and muttering quietly into it as Theo reached up to adjust his scope and range-finder, zooming in on Liam’s chest. “That’s a go, Theo, we’re clear to engage.”

“Alright, you won’t get away from me this time, Liam Dunbar! I’m gonna-”

“Just take the shot already,” Corey rolled his eyes, recognizing the beginnings of yet another long and drama-filled speech by the other chimera. “By the time you’re finishing talking about crossing swords with him, he’ll have gone inside.”

“Bah! You’re no fun anymore,” Theo sighed. “I’m blaming Jordan for that; sucking all the fun out of my best friend…along with the other thing he sucks out of you!”

“Theo!” Corey glared at him. “Fire!”

“Fine,” Theo reacquired Liam and prepared to squeeze the trigger. He tried to ignore the tightness in his chest and the nervous tremble along his hand, finger flexing suddenly. There was a loud bark from the rifle and Theo groaned when he saw Liam bend over at the same time as he fired. “Fuck!”

“Why didn’t you put the suppressor on?!”

“I forgot!” Theo barked back at Corey. Both of the chimeras winced when the bullet sailed over Liam’s head and instead hit the collection of bright red barrels that stood next to the walls across the terrace. 

_Boom!_

There was a fiery explosion as the fuel in the barrels detonated and the loud sound echoed off the surrounding buildings. Theo desperately swept the terrace for signs of Liam, but it seemed the werewolf had vanished. The air was rent with howling klaxons and screaming alarms, armored shutters slamming shut over windows and doors, the turrets whirring up and spinning around wildly, trying to find the enemy.

 

“I think we should get out of here.” Corey muttered as he surveyed the destruction. “Chalk it up to more bad timing and scrub the mission.”

“No, hang on,” Theo shook his head, hearing the younger chimera’s disappointment in his voice. “That explosion breached the keep’s wall, we can enter the fortress and take Liam out one-to-one, Corey!”

“Hmm, I guess.” He nodded. “Ok, you get the grappling hooks and I’ll call in our air support for evac.”

“Right.” Theo grinned and hurried over to the equipment bags, pulling out the coils of rope and metal hooks. He loaded them into the special guns and tossed one to Corey when the chimera returned to him. “We’re set?”

“We have fifteen minutes, then Jordan will come get us out.” Corey explained, attaching one end of the rope to his utility belt. “Since we won’t be coming back for any of this stuff, use the C-4 hidden in the strawberry pop-tart to ensure it doesn’t fall into enemy hands.”

“Got it.” Theo folded up his anti-material rifle and strapped it to his back as Corey gathered the bags together and solemnly handed him the box of snacks. “Good job neither of us like that flavor, hell of a mistake to make!”

“Kinda the point, Theo.” Corey left him to set the timer and walked back to the edge of the roof, taking aim with his grapple gun. “You ready yet?”

“Yeah, yeah, let’s go.” Theo fired his gun, the hook sailing through the air to embed itself in the stone wall above the breach, black rope flying out after it. He grinned at Corey as the cord ran out of slack and he was pulled off the roof, swinging across towards the fortress. He heard the second hook lodge itself into the wall next to him and Theo used his feet to absorb the impact of the connection, dropping silently down onto the terrace, Corey joining him a moment later. 

The two chimeras glanced around at the goons who had been killed by the explosion; none of them were Liam. “This way.” Corey pointed, letting Theo take the lead as the chimera’s claws flicked out.

“Got it, where did Jordan say was the collection point?”

“North side of the keep, he’ll make a hole for the extraction.” Corey explained, grabbing Theo’s arm suddenly when a group of guards ran past, cloaking them from sight.” 

“Thanks,” Theo grinned at him as they became visible again. “I have his scent, he took this corridor.”

“How do you have his scent?”

“Well, while you were preparing to execute a terrible crime against a plate of French pastries, I was searching Liam’s room,” Theo explained in a whisper as the two assassins crept down the non-descript hallway. “I found his electronics, bugged them, of course, and I got that DNA sample Stiles wanted, but I also found Liam’s dirty laundry pile. Fun fact, he uses his trunks as a cum rag!”

“Eww, Theo!” Corey groaned. “Tell me you didn’t!”

“I had to get his scent somehow, Corey!” Theo smirked and stopped outside a pair of large, maple doors. “Hmm, it stops here, but there’s all sorts of clattering and banging and grunting going on inside.”

“Ok, I have a mini-drone here, let me-”

“No time!” Theo cried out, flinging the doors open and striding confidently into a large dining hall. He froze when a hundred pairs of eyes turned towards him and Corey, the eyes belonging to large, burly men who all appeared to be poured from the same mold; shaved heads, strong jaws, and hands that looked like they broke concrete as a hobby. “Oh shit.”

Liam was sitting at the table at the top of the room, a bowl of soup in front of him and a spoon half-raised to his lips. The werewolf stared back at Theo in a moment of stunned silence. He recovered quickly and jumped up, pointing at the intruders. “Get them!”

“Run, Corey!” Theo shouted out as he turned around and sprinted from the room, hearing the growled swearing from the younger chimera when Theo left him behind. “Head for the northern side!”

“Right behind ya, Theo!”

They rounded a corner into another group of goons and Theo scythed through them, his claws carving a bloody swath as the men fell over. Corey didn’t have any naturally offensive weapons, but the younger chimera had been trained by Jordan and pulled out a handgun, popping off bullets left and right as their pursuers were forced to back away. Theo skidded to a halt as Liam emerged from a side-door. “Crap!”

“We have you now, agents of The Evil Eye!” Liam shouted out, dozens of his henchmen surrounding him, their fists balled and ready. “Surrender and you may yet live!”

“Balls to that!” Corey cried, reaching for the smoke bombs on his utility belt. Theo hadn’t moved, locking eyes with Liam, but Corey didn’t wait, flinging the grenades down the hallway towards the werewolf. “C’mon! We’re nearly there!”

“Fine.” Theo replied grudgingly, seeing Liam being forced back by the billowing clouds of black smoke. “Until-”

“Theo, ignore the witty one-liners and run!”

“I’m coming.” Theo bit back his retort and followed Corey through more corridors and hallways that looked the same as the last. There was a loud crash ahead of them and the sound of tumbling masonry. “Your boyfriend is here!”

“Yeah, ahead of schedule, thankfully.” Corey glanced over his shoulder and flung himself to the ground as a hail of gunfire rattled overhead. “Duck!”

“It’s like he _wants_ to kill us!”

“Maybe he’s pissed you stole his underwear!”

“Hah!” Theo and Corey arrived at the junction of four hallways, Corey running off towards the hellish figure that was standing at the end of the northern corridor. The half-naked man had deep, molten cracks spread across his torso, smoke and soot coating the otherwise smooth and tanned flesh. A pair of large, leathery wings extended from the Hellhound’s back, the bone-like tips jet black and trailing fire. Jordan nodded at Corey and gestured for Theo to get out of the way as he raised his hands, an assault rifle gripped in each. 

Theo rolled into the other corridor in time as Jordan began to open fire, bullets spraying into the waves of goons that tried to come after him. He watched as the plaster was riddled with holes and large chunks of it broke off, collapsing onto the ground. As the last bullet was spat out from the gun, Theo emerged to find Liam squaring off against him. The handsome werewolf’s chest was heaving, and muscular arms were bared, claws out, and eyes glowing. “Aw, did the puppy miss the show?!” Theo smirked at him, gesturing at the piles of dead bodies around them, his grin widening when Liam snarled and swiped at him. The chimera leapt backwards, dodging each attack until he was in range of Jordan. 

Corey had already clipped himself to his boyfriend’s support harness and was hugging the Hellhound’s torso as they waited for Theo. He grinned as Liam slid to a halt and stared up at the imposing winged figure. “Yeah, you might want to run before you’re turned into charcoal!”

“This isn’t over!” Liam growled, taken off-guard when Theo darted forward suddenly and tripped him up, falling flat on his face. “Ow.”

Theo grinned at Liam and flipped the werewolf onto his back. He could hear the sound of thumping feet behind him, but the chimera still took the time to memorize Liam’s face up close and planted a kiss on his forehead, “Until our next dance, Liam, maybe you should bare your sword instead of your claws!” Theo glanced at the hefty bulge in Liam’s tight-fitting trousers as the werewolf glared at him. “Can’t deny that scent, can-”

“Theo!” Jordan called out commandingly, “Let’s go! I’ve got incoming F-22 fighter jets on my ass!”

“Alright, alright, I’m coming!” Theo hurried over to them, attaching himself to Jordan’s belt securely and mimicking Corey’s grip on the Hellhound. “Go, go!”

Jordan’s wings flapped quickly, a firestorm being unleashed as he pushed off the ledge at the edge of the building and out into the open, using the flames and hot air to propel himself forward. He nodded at Corey and the chimera cloaked them just in time, the fighter jets screaming overhead, Gatling cannons rattling off a burst of gunfire that missed them and shredded the no longer perfect smile of Scott McCall, World President. 

 

“Are you ok? Who were they?” Mason helped Liam to his feet and gestured for the guards to secure the area. “I was monitoring the build-up of energy on the enemy’s weapon, I would have been here sooner otherwise.”

“It’s ok.” Liam muttered, brushing himself off and discretely adjusting his hardon as he tried to dislodge the image of the hot assassin being so close to him. In any other situation he would have…

“But who-”

“That was The Evil Eye,” Liam replied, his eyes narrowing dramatically. “Theo Raeken, I’ll catch him one day, he promised that we’d cross swords again. And I wouldn’t mind seeing just how big his sword really is!”

“Uh, great.” Mason stared at him before shoving the tablet under his best friend’s nose. “That might be sooner than you think. The Evil Eye’s STD is about to be unleashed, we have to pursue them now.”

“Good job I placed that tracker on Theo’s ass then!”


	2. The Eeeevil Eye!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All good villains need a volcanic mountain lair, no matter how improbable or dangerous!

Theo looked up as Corey decloaked them and the Hellhound began his descent, dropping through the dark clouds of the perpetual lightning storm that covered the region around their lair high in the Rockies. The imposing mountain fortress was visible to him now, snow-capped peak gently smouldering as flows of lava erupted and ran down the sides towards the deep moat surrounding their base, filling it with molten rock and poisonous gas. The single stone bridge that crossed the gaping chasm was guarded by Stiles’ mix of robot sentries and heavily armed drone tanks. But they weren’t heading in that direction, Jordan taking them up towards the sky hangers.

These were built into the slope of the mountain just below the snow-line, metal gantries and asphalt landing strips set up for the Evil Eye’s fleet of unmanned jets and bombers. Corey had said it to him many times that it was a horrible design oversight to just leave the hangers without doors, but Theo always assured him that Scott and Liam and their band of goodie-two-shoes goons would never be so underhanded as to actually bypass the front door! He unclipped himself from Jordan once the Hellhound had landed and stepped away quickly. “I’m going to have a shower!”

“What about the debrief?”

“I have to debrief myself first!” Theo grinned at him as Corey glowered back. “C’mon, you know how distracted I’ll be if I don’t take care of business, especially after a close-quarters fight with Liam!”

“Yeah.” Corey muttered, shaking his head as he watched Theo hurry off, one hand already stuck down his trousers. “Thinking about Liam’s ass, I bet. Good job the STD is nearly ready, or Stiles would probably think Theo is a double agent.” He turned from Theo and glanced at Jordan. “Thanks for getting us out.”

“You’re welcome, just be more careful from now on, ok?” Jordan smiled at him, his wings folding up and flames extinguished. The Hellhound kissed Corey affectionately on the head as he passed. “I’ll resume guarding the weapon chamber, come find me after the debrief, Theo isn’t the only one who could do with working out some tension!”

Corey grinned and felt his stomach do a summersault as he flicked his gaze across Jordan’s handsome face and muscular upper body. He waved goodbye and crossed the hanger bay towards the monorail. As Corey was whisked through the mountain fortress, he looked around, making sure that the squads of roving security robots and cloned henchmen were patrolling the areas they were meant to. 

The suspiciously large, human-sized ventilation shafts were rigged with booby traps and triggers at his insistence after both Stiles and Theo had dismissed him for worrying too much. But Stiles had liked the idea of a laser hallway with killing death-beams and installed them all across the lair, leading to almost daily clean-up operations by the drones after a brainless minion had wandered into the laser field looking for the bathroom. 

“And soon, I shall have my revenge!” Stiles’ voice cut through Corey’s thoughts as he stepped off the monorail into the large, cavernous war room, black tiles glittering against the white lights far above him. “Yes, soon! Mwha ha! Hahaha! Mwhahahahahahahaha! Hahaha! Ah ha hahahaha!”

“Um, Stiles?” Corey approached him cautiously, “Sorry to interrupt your maniacal laughter rehearsal time…”

“Yes?” The villainous mastermind turned towards him, arching a brow and taking a sip of water to keep his throat lubricated. “What is it?”

“Um, we just got back from the strike on the Global Security Force HQ, it didn’t go well.” Corey muttered. “Sorry.”

“Hmm, did Liam foil our plans once again?”

“Yeah.”

“Curses! And Theo? Is he alive?” The Master of Death and Strangely Convenient Accidents looked at him expectantly, sighing with relief when Corey nodded. “Good, good. It doesn’t matter if he is infatuated with that werewolf, soon he’ll know that they’re nothing but cheating liars who always turn on you!”

“Um, yeah.” Corey glanced at the opposite wall as Stiles pressed a nearby button. The panel slid upwards and the STD was revealed. “It’s nearly ready, isn’t it?”

“Yes, in a few short hours the Stiles Tectonic Disrupter will be ready to fire, and those pesky werewolves will rue the day they ever thought to cross me!” Stiles cackled and flung his arms out wide. “Mwhaha! Hahahaha! Ahahahaha!”

Corey tuned out the maniacal laughter and stared at the weapon. It took up almost a quarter of the space inside the volcano, the molten rock and lava held in place at the sides of the room with shimmering energy fields before being released into the hollow under the central disk. Thick silver and grey pipes fed into the dais, carrying power and energy from all across the planet, stolen by Stiles’ secret army of mini-drones and siphoned off to charge the STD. 

A large nozzle pointed upwards from the middle of the disk, metal plates like the petals of a flower were grouped around it, a strange, purple energy sparking off the edges and anchoring themselves in the spout. Corey glanced at the big display screen under the STD, seeing the power levels had reached optimal and the charge level was touching the halfway point. “So, you’re still going through with it?”

“Hahahaha-what?” Stiles stopped mid-cackle and stared at him. “Of course I’m going through with it! Do I care that unleashing trillions of commensurate tons of TNT in the form of a giant laser is likely to short out every power station on the planet and cause instant and crippling blackouts for billions of people? No!”

“But-”

“Do I care that directing this energy towards the Moon in order to blow it up will likely cause a rain of massive asteroids to bombard the planet and crater the cities of Earth? No I do not!”

“Well, that’s-”

“Do I care that the heat of those falling rocks will burn up the atmosphere and turn the planet into a giant convection oven? No, definitely not!”

“Stiles, I-”

"Do I care that the seas will be turned into serene lakes and the resulting lack of circulating nutrients will cause millions of species to go extinct? Need you ask?!"

“I’m trying to!” Corey finally managed to speak, glaring at him. “I know Scott betrayed you that one time but blowing up the Moon just to piss him off seems a little over the top.”

“Over the top, you say?!” Stiles gave him a withering glance as Theo joined them silently in the war room. “Blowing up the Moon would be over the top, Corey says!”

“Hmm, I’m pretty sure we could put it on a plane and let Scott experience the full force of the STD?” Theo offered, before backing down when Stiles looked at him angrily. “Or not! I mean, whatever floats your boat.”

“It’s a matter of principal!” Stiles glared at the weapon. “Scott gave me his word that we’d go to prom together as best friends, with Allison in France and Lydia having left for college early…and then, do you know what he did?”

“Yes, Stiles.” They replied dutifully.

“He went with Malia!” The villain shouted, his voice echoing around the war room. “He promised me! And then betrayed everything we held dear at the chance of chasing tail! I swore that day that the insult would never stand!”

“And now it’s time for my revenge!” Theo mouthed the words at Corey, the younger chimera pressing his lips together to avoid smirking as Stiles continued to speak.

“And now it’s time for my revenge!” Stiles strode over to the control panel and used both his hands to open the glass case of a massive red button. “It is time to steal the power of the Moon from the Werewolf in Chief! I shall rip the Moon’s glow from him as he ripped-” Just as he was about to press it, an alarm began to scream out from another terminal. Corey darted across to check it.

“Damn! The Global Security Forces are here! They’re attacking the hanger bay!”

“What?!” Theo hurried over to him. “What about the front door?”

“They ignored it!” He glared at Theo. “I told you they would.”

“Hmm, the underhanded sneaks!” The older chimera typed quickly and glanced at the nearby screen, seeing a familiar figure stepping off the drop-ship. His pulse quickened, and his pants bulged. “It’s Liam!”

“Go, Theo.” Stiles commanded, slamming his fist onto the big red button. “The weapon will fire in twenty minutes, do not let them take this victory from me!”

“Oh, I’ll be all over him!” Theo grinned and hurried away to get his equipment.

Corey looked out at the STD again, seeing red and amber lights flashing rapidly around the metal walls and shielded portions as the nozzle began to glow with purple light. “I’ll join Jordan up at the control tower. We’ll make sure it gets done, Stiles!”

“Excellent,” The villainous mastermind grinned but reached out for him. “Corey, if Scott or his sidekick Mason confront you, take them out, and make sure they know who we are!”

“Uh, ok?”

“Who are we, Corey?”

“The Evil Eye, Stiles.” Corey muttered unenthusiastically.

“No, no, no!” Stiles shook head, disappointed. “You have to say it with feeling! The Evvvvil Eye! Eeee-vile! See?”

“Ugh, the Evvvvil Eye!” He tried again as Stiles sagged. “I’ll go monitor the weapon’s status.”

“Fine, fine.” Stiles turned back to the group of school children sitting in the back of the war room land raised his hand, curling it into a fist. “Now then, with _feeling_ everyone! The…”

“Evvvvil Eye!” The children chorused loyally as Stiles cackled joyfully.

“Yes! Yes! Soon you’ll have mastered the secret of maniacal laughter too!”

 

Theo directed the clones and robots to attack the Global Security Forces streaming out of their helicopters and drop-ships while he walked slowly towards Liam. The werewolf looked the same as he did earlier that day; his slim-fit body armor tight in all the right places, no need for faux muscles when his real abs and pecs were practically bursting through the sheer material. Theo grinned at him and flicked his claws out. “I’ve been looking forward to this moment; we can finally fight one-on-one!”

“In the name of the World Government and President Scott McCall, I am asking you to surrender and remove your uniform for a thorough pat-down!” Liam called out to him, standing heroically with his hands on his hips. “I’ll need to search every nook and cranny; you assassins have surprises hidden everywhere!”

“You have no idea!” Theo smirked, his dick twitching when he met Liam’s eyes. “Why don’t you come over here and inspect my weapon up close?!”

“This is your last warning!”

“Aw, are you afraid that your tiny dagger won’t match up to my massive broadsword?” The chimera moved closer and eyed up Liam’s full bulge. “Though maybe you just brought a club to the fight instead!”

“Fine, Theo,” Liam flexed his arms and his eyes glinted yellow. “Prepare to taste my furious weapon!”


	3. With all the Passion of an Exploding Moon

Theo dodged backwards as Liam swung half-heartedly at him, stumbling into one of the supply rooms as the fighting continued across the hanger bay floor. Liam shut the door behind them and smirked. Theo tilted his head on one side, questioningly. “I wouldn’t feel so cocky, werewolf!”

“You just backed yourself into a corner.”

“How do you know this wasn’t part of a plan?” Theo failed to duck, and Liam’s claws shredded through his body armor from shoulder to waist, grazing along his skin. “Woah, close!”

“I’m going to get closer!” Liam snarled and jabbed forward, one of his attacks glancing off Theo’s shoulders while his other hand grabbed the torn fabric and pulled it sideways, revealing more of the chimera’s smooth chest. “Gah!” The werewolf struck out, his claws dragging along Theo’s thigh, cutting the strangely flimsy material apart. Theo hadn’t retaliated yet, it was almost as though he _wanted_ Liam to rip his clothes off. “What are you doing?!”

“You said you were going to give me a real inspection!” Theo grinned as the armor tore apart under his scrabbling fingers, bulging dick slipping out into full view. “I’m not surrendering though!” Liam’s eyes were locked on his crotch and Theo used the distraction to dive at the werewolf, his claws carefully pointed inwards to avoid cutting Liam’s chest as Theo ripped open his tight bodysuit, revealing the werewolf’s muscular chest and erect nipples. “Hah!”

“You try wearing latex armor and not get hard!” Liam snapped before flushing, as though he had forgotten where he was and who he was meant to be fighting. “Err, I mean, you’ll pay for that!”

“You’ll have to catch me first!” Theo grinned, dancing backwards and ripping off the rest of his armor, leaving his smooth, tanned body in just combat boots, socks, and snug-fitting briefs. He grabbed a nearby barrel and poured the contents over himself, a thick waterfall of mineral oil falling over his face and body. Theo smirked and spread the oil all across his arms and chest, ensuring that the surface of his bulging briefs was also covered in the slippery substance. “Good luck getting a hold on me now!”

“We’ll see! Two can play at that game!” Liam glared at him, but mirrored Theo and stripped down to his straining trunks. He grabbed an identical barrel as Theo watched him with that stupid smirk, Liam gasping as the mineral oil drenched his body and got into his eyes. “Fuck!”

“If I was a good guy, I wouldn’t use your lack of sight to gain the upper hand.” Theo said as he admired Liam’s hunky, slicked up torso. “Thankfully, I’m a supervillain, so I can do this!” He lunged forwards and knocked Liam onto the floor, sliding around on top of him as he struggled to get a grip on slippery skin. Liam was fighting him back, but it wasn’t enough and soon Theo had him flat on his back, the chimera pressing in between his legs and pushing his arms back to the floor.

“No! You’ll never take me alive!” Liam cried out, his wails of protest turning into moans as Theo ground heavily against him, their oiled-up skin creating a near frictionless surface for them both to press their raging hard-ons back and forth against defined abs and slick cotton. “Ugh! Oh! Ooooh!”

“How about I just take you right here instead?!”

 

“Liam, we need to-oh!” Mason cut himself off as he kicked open the door to the supply room, seeing Liam and Theo locked in mortal combat, rolling around on the floor. He frowned as he realized their almost completely naked bodies were covered in a shiny liquid and they were less fighting and more frotting against each other. This was borne out by the lust and passion-filled moans that rent the air, louder than the gun shots and explosions behind him. Mason opened his mouth to intervene when the device in his hand began beeping rapidly. “No! I thought I had more time. Damn you two and your overwhelming lust!”

He backed out of the room as the sounds of their pleasure intensified and Mason hurried across the hanger bay towards the entrance he had observed Theo coming from. The pitched battle between The Evil Eye’s clones and robots, and the World Government’s security teams was not going well, Mason could see their forces being driven backwards. But he pushed the thoughts from his mind, making his way down the long corridor towards the elevator at the other end. Mason froze as he heard a buzzing sound from overhead and he looked up slowly to see a bright-red laser beam scything towards him. “Oh, no! Not a laser defense grid!”

 

Corey gazed down into the weapon chamber from his position in the control tower. The STD was minutes away from firing, the hum loud enough to rattle the reinforced glass and make the stationary bounce up and down on the nearby tables. He could see a faint purple blaze near the tip of the firing nozzle and was about to remark on it to Jordan who was standing next to him when the elevator chimed behind them. “What the hell?”

Mason staggered out of the elevator, his expression faintly dazed and clothes scored with dozens of scorch marks. He held up a gun unsteadily. “Freeze in the…name of the…World Government!”

“Hmm, I’m guessing someone forgot to set the laser defense grid to lethal after that last reset.” Corey murmured. “Never mind, you’re out-numbered, Mason Hewitt! Surrender!”

“Never!” Mason countered, firing off a burst and rolling out of the way, hiding behind the entrance to the control tower. The bullets had bounced off the glass and caused the Hellhound and chimera to duck. “I’m gonna stop you!”

“Not likely!” Corey growled, typing rapidly on the nearby terminal and hitting the return key with a flourish. There was a roar of grinding machinery that deafened them all as Corey and Jordan looked up at the roof of the STD weapon chamber, seeing a cascade of lava being diverted by shimmering energy fields as it fell down from the surface, the massive blast doors opening up the chamber to the sky. The lightning storm that normally surrounded the mountain lair had been switched off by Stiles to allow for the STD to be raised up to firing height. “It’s too late, Mason, you’ll never stop us now!”

“No!” Mason charged the control room, spraying it with gunfire. He slid to a halt when he saw his bullets being vaporized in front of him, the heat from the Hellhound causing them to be immolated. Mason gasped and staggered backwards as he felt his clothes igniting in the face of such overwhelming temperatures and dropping off him. “Wha…What are you doing?!”

“You do know the saying, ‘if you can’t beat them, join them’, right?” Corey smirked as he advanced alongside Jordan. “This is your opportunity to join us. We could have use for someone with a brilliant mind such as yours. And we’ll be cloning a lot of hotties too-Theo’s idea- so you can use that twinky body as well!”

“But you’re going to blow up the moon, there’ll be nothing left! Never mind anyone left to fuck!” Mason protested as the heat lessened and he was left standing in his briefs. He could see on the bank of monitors above them that the weapon had been locked into its final targeting position, tendrils of energy cracking off the STD. “You’ll destroy the world!”

“Only the surface world.” Corey shrugged. “We have vaults and bunkers and a whole underwater city! All paid for by the World Government to the Evil Eye’s many front companies.”

“What? No,” Mason shook his head, “You’re just trying to distract me like Theo is doing to Liam while the weapon fires, I won’t…” He trailed off as Jordan stopped glowing so much and Mason could get an eyeful of the Hellhound’s muscular body. “Um, uh, maybe-no, I have a mission!”

“Too late.” Corey grinned as a high-pitched wail filled the control tower and the images on the screens above them showed the STD firing a blazing beam of purple energy into the sky. “You cannot stop The Eeeevil Eye!”

 

Theo pushed Liam into the nearby conference room, seeking the big table to ravish him on instead of the hard concrete of the storage room floor. He broke off their frantic make out session as he and Liam both looked out the window. The rumbling noises that had shaken the complex had passed, but the sky had turned an angry purple and seared bluish red. The two of them climbed off the table and wandered over to the floor-to-ceiling windows, staring up at the barely visible Moon. There was a sudden, bright light and the surface of the Moon became visibly molten and cracked. “Fuck, he did it.”

“Oh, no!” Liam cried out. “He did it!”

“I think that means you lose.” Theo smirked at him, “And we win!”

“We’re all doomed, you idiot!”

“Then is there any better moment to experience chimera cock for the first time?!” Theo grinned at Liam as the werewolf sagged and then nodded. “Alright!” He pulled Liam back into a crushing kiss and they continued to make out, even as the Moon exploded like a supernova overhead and asteroids began to fall like fireworks through the sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End…since they’d all likely die from the realization of the stupidest villain plan ever!


End file.
